Karen’s Place

I watched a movie this afternoon called Madea’s Family Reunion. I expected a normal comedy, similar to Eddie Murphy’s comedies where he plays multiple characters, instead though it was Tyler Perry. What I got was a really great movie, with some pretty deep issues. One quote in particular spoke to me. I was lucky enough find it on line. It goes like this:

“We had a love so strong, that it just seemed like we were one. I mean, I would get ready to tell him something and he would open his mouth and say the very thing that I was fixin’ to tell him. Do you know how frustratin’ that was sometimes? Oh, Lord I couldn’t stand it! And then…there were those moments when I would just lay my head on his chest just to listen to his heartbeat; and then one night, I realized his heartbeat matched mine. Lord have mercy…The rhythm is off now, he’s gone. Don’t fret for me; I have had opportunity that few people ever get on this earth. God has blessed me to share time and space with the man that He designed Himself, just for me. I’ve not only been blessed, I have been divinely favored.”

Here are my thoughts-

A week ago I was able to spend some wonderful quiet time with my army man here at my house. It was very very late one night (or very very early in the morning) and we were sitting on my porch swing on my deck. It was so beautiful out it was almost storybook (as it has seemed to be each time we’ve been together). The breeze was blowing, the stars were out, and the bugs weren’t even biting. He was so tired he was almost slap happy, so at this point not really responsible for what he was saying. He says to me ‘you are so sweet, so smart, such a deep thinker –like me, but above everything you have been such a wonderful friend to me these past few months and I consider it truly a blessing to of met you.’ Needless to say I was blown away by those words. No one in my entire life had ever said such things to me. I knew he meant them.

I chose this time to tell him that I’d given it a lot of thought and even though we hadn’t known each other very long, I didn’t think I wanted to see other people while he was in Afghanistan. Well, that woke him up! That was totally the wrong thing to say! He hit the ceiling! He told me under no circumstances was I to wait for him. If I had the opportunity to date someone while he was gone, I was to absolutely date someone else. He was not to hold me back. What if the person I turned down was ‘the one’? I couldn’t believe what he was saying to me. I was heartbroken and although I was able to move this conversation to the back of my mind to somewhat enjoy the rest of my weekend, I remained heartbroken for the remainder of the following week.

This past Friday my army man finally received his transfer orders…

He’s on a much smaller post here than in North Carolina. He would be leaving in eight business days. Yes that’s correct eight business days. I haven’t double checked with him since, but by my calculations that makes it Wednesday the 25^th. Talk about adding to my heartache! He had business out of town this weekend so we couldn’t see each other, and with as fast as he has to move and the distance we live from one another, I’m not all that sure we’ll see one another before he moves (although he insists we will).

Needless to say, Friday I was a complete wreck. I called a good friend of mine who dropped everything to emotionally take care of me…I’ll admit it, she took care of me through liquid libations. Sometimes ya gotta do what ya gotta do…Anyway, we also did a lot of talking. I reminded myself of one crucial thing: I knew going into this it was just going to be for a few months, nothing more! It seems, ever since Friday when I reminded myself of this, I’ve been at peace with it. Of course I will miss him. I will miss him like crazy!

Then I saw this movie today and heard the quote:

“We had a love so strong, that it just seemed like we were one. I mean, I would get ready to tell him something and he would open his mouth and say the very thing that I was fixin’ to tell him. Do you know how frustratin’ that was sometimes? Oh, Lord I couldn’t stand it! And then…there were those moments when I would just lay my head on his chest just to listen to his heartbeat; and then one night, I realized his heartbeat matched mine. Lord have mercy…The rhythm is off now, he’s gone. Don’t fret for me; I have had opportunity that few people ever get on this earth. God has blessed me to share time and space with the man that He designed Himself, just for me. I’ve not only been blessed, I have been divinely favored.”

These are some strong words.  This is what I’m looking for in my life.  I know myself, I will settle for nothing less.  My army guy is right.  I like him so much, but I don’t love him (and I told him that), and he doesn’t love me.  Neither of us can expect me to wait over a year for him.  If an opportunity comes up while he’s gone, who’s to say it won’t be the one designed just for me?  If an opportunity comes up for him while he’s gone, how can I stop him from finding the one designed for him?  That would be terribly selfish of me, right?  If we are meant for each other, and I hope we are, it will happen for us in 18 mos.  I feel confident about that. Until then, we will remain friends. Good friends. If invited, of course I will visit him in North Carolina and I will write and send care packages to him in Afghanistan as originally planned.

Wow, how grown up of me, huh? Yeah, let’s see if I still feel that way on the 25^th!